Look, I’m just going to go ahead and say it, I’m not a fan of Marvel movies. I know that this is an issue about which many people are very passionate about and my viewpoint can incite some serious hostility (speaking from personal experience). Recently, I happened to share my controversial opinion with someone who, although I did not know it at the time, is possibly the world’s biggest Marvel fan. I was immediately challenged to write this article and defend myself, so here I am. I have decided to to lay out my Marvel-related grievances Thomas Jefferson style in my very own Declaration of Independence from the tyrannical rule of Marvel fans who believe that Marvel is above scrutiny.
First and foremost, let’s talk about Marvel fight scenes and why they suck. While debatably entertaining, they are completely outlandish and unrealistic, even for a fictional universe, in addition to being quite drab in comparison to their competitors.
Frequently, characters engaged in intense fights in which they are hit repeatedly, often in the face by either muscular humans or humongous monsters. More often than not, both people involved in the light walk away scot free, not even a bloody nose. Are you kidding me? I, as a movie watcher, am supposed to believe that these “heroes” are so powerful that they’re immune to any kind of visible injury. This is quite aggravating to watch and detracts from the rest of the movie, as I am spending my time thinking about how Spider Man avoided a broken nose rather than focusing on the plot. Also, the heroes rarely, if ever, lose a fight, making the scenes even less believable and even more predictable.
While I’m on the topic of predictability, Marvel’s plots nearly all follow the same boring structure; Hero begins as unlikable in some way, yet very quickly is redeemed, Hero then faces some sort of challenge in the form of a villain, and Hero ends with his gang of friends defeating the villain. For me, this predictability ruins the entire movie-going experience. When I go to see a movie, I expect that the plot will be complex enough that I will not be able to figure out how the movie will progress and end five minutes in. While the ending of the latest Marvel movie, “Infinity War” was a step in the right direction, it was not enough to make up for all the other boring, predictable plots and endings I have had to endure.
My final grievance is perhaps the most irritating aspect of all Marvel movies: the humor. In nearly every Marvel movie I have seen, the cringeworthy one liners delivered by nearly every character become so predictable and terrible that the audience is not taking even the most intense battle scenes seriously as they are too busy anticipating the next joke. While the jokes would still be aggravating if they were funny, they rarely are. “Zingers,” such as “Nothing goes over my head; my reflexes are too fast,” are so pitiful that they should be excluded from the category of “joke.” Unless Marvel is using these awful jokes to divert from their lack of any substantive plot, they should eliminate them as they are nothing more than a distraction.
In conclusion, Marvel isn’t all they’re chalked up to be. Their boring, unrealistic fight scenes, predictable plots and terrible humor. While mildly entertaining, given the choice, I would not watch another Marvel movie.
