Hidden behind the deceptive upbeat instrumentals of E ve’s “Outsider” lies lyrics that point a spotlight on the immobilizing conflicts people fight within themselves. Don’t be distracted by the beautiful music video; “Outsider” delivers a strong, crippling message by itself and is one of the most deeply relatable songs E ve has ever written.
E ve is a Japanese singer, songwriter, and vocaloid producer who has been rising in popularity these past few years, gaining more than 1.5 million subscribers since the end of 2020 for a total of nearly 3.6 million on his YouTube channel. At the start of his career in 2009, E ve was known for his covers of vocaloid songs, but now, he is even more well-known for his original songs. Earlier this month, E ve wrote and sang “Aisai” for Spotify Japan, narrating and even starring in the advertisement.
As one of E ve’s more rock-based songs, “Outsider” starts with two powerful guitar chords before leading to the fast-paced melody. With the first sentences, E ve beckons us to gather around and listen to his inner feelings. He then refers to himself in the third person, calling himself “天才で人外で横暴な, 最低で最高な相棒さ” (“A prodigy, an inhuman, a tyrannical partner who’s the best at being the worst”). Between the constant thrumming of the guitar and the rapid singing, there’s a hopeless and breathless feeling. He cries out in desperation, “僕をここで醒ましてくれないか?” (“Won’t someone bring me back to my senses?”)
I’ve thought the worst and the best of myself before. In those moments, I compared myself to the unrealistic standards I had set for myself instead of thinking about who I already am. In this song, E ve includes the different ways he views himself and how he’s tired of it all, describing his inner conflicts. At one point, he becomes impatient with himself, sighing in disgust and describing his efforts as selfish and pathetic. He complains about his continual inability to meet his standards, “否定したって何したって誰かのせいにしたって” (“Even if I deny it, even if I do something, even if I blame someone”). It is an eye-opening criticism of how people think of themselves.
Throughout the song, E ve asks himself twice, “君にだけにしかできない事はなんだ?” (“What’s something that only you can do?”), urging not only himself but also us as listeners to think about what makes us unique. He tells himself to stop dwelling on things within, lest he become an empty shell. This is yet another powerful message to us. In my opinion, it’s a reminder that when we think too hard about what we could be, we lose touch with what we are.
The song then spirals down with a meter change into a distorted vocal line, where he momentarily switches to a first-person perspective. E ve talks about the colorful lies he has told himself and how he had been using them to paint over his monochrome self. “心の鬼は決して許してはくれないから,” (“The demon within my heart will undoubtedly not forgive me”) he sings almost sorrowfully, the music dying down to a brief period of silence before the chorus begins again. The “demon within” is the feelings that are dragging him down, yet he hesitates to get rid of it because he is afraid of what will happen afterward. While he acknowledges this fear, he also knows that he has to let it all go. Sometimes, in order to change, people have to let go of feelings or lies that are holding them back.
Despite being written during an era when E ve released many songs that followed a theme of personal change, “Outsider” stands out from the others in its relatability in the messages and feelings presented in the lyrics. When I hear E ve sing these lines, I’m reminded of moments in my life where I had been standing in those shoes. It serves as a lesson that, although these struggles will continue to plague us, we can always find our way past it. E ve’s ability to vocalize pieces of life filled with anger and confusing emotions has always been astounding, and he will without a doubt continue to showcase this in songs to come.
