Men are having a moment right now and not necessarily a good one. In my last article for Women’s History month, I wrote about toxic behaviors in the feminist community. Now, I’m writing about the toxic traits present in male personalities. And no, I’m not just talking about TikTok men with podcasts and bad facial hair, but the people who we interact with everyday. So let’s unpack sexism in the 21st century. This article obviously does not apply to all men. It would be quite presumptuous and hypocritical of me to group together an entire gender, but if you’re offended, this is probably about you… so do better.
First off, let’s talk about male fragility. As the older, more nuanced brother of white fragility (as sexism was created before race), it appears every time a woman rightfully accuses a man of messing up. My favorite line is: “I didn’t mean it! You’re so over dramatic!” It is an age-old gaslighting technique that is used to make you think that you are the crazy one. For some reason, when someone tells a man that what they said was sexist or bigoted, the first words that come out of their mouths don’t constitute an apology or a clarification but rather an excuse.
I’m not saying all men are like this, but it is a common trait that I have observed in teenage boys in particular. Perhaps it is because men have spent most of their lives being told that they are right, so it is unfathomable to them that they could make a mistake. Further, the fact that it was a woman who called them out on their mistake causes their first response to be convincing you to smile, laugh it off, and most importantly, shut up about it. But, if I see stupid, I’m going to say “stupid.” No hate, it’s just a fact. If someone says something sexist, they need to be called out on it. If not, how will they ever learn to change? If women who are present for such uneducated comments stay silent, then who will call him out on it? Probably not another man.
Sexism in the 21st century is weird, because we have come so far regarding equality amongst the sexes, but not quite far enough. Women still don’t earn as much as men, sexist comments and stereotypes are still extremely common, and no one really notices or cares. People make the same arguments that they do for racism: I don’t see it happen, so it doesn’t exist.
The rise of the internet and popular social media platforms has complicated sexism too. You have men on TikTok, talking about how easy girls have it these days. Recently, I came across a video of a man (who had a podcast and a creepy mustache, by the way) saying that when women get muscular at the gym it is less impressive because women don’t have to work against gravity, while men do. Obviously, this is insane because this man tried to say that women don’t have to deal with gravity, as if we are all just floating around and levitating barbells.
In addition, there are men on the internet saying that they have the right to control what their significant other wears, does, or who she talks to. These mini “Nate Jacobs” (an abusive boyfriend from the show “Euphoria”) actually believe that they have the right to control another human being. Newsflash: The 13th amendment exists! She is not your slave, she has a mind, thoughts, and ambitions, most of which have nothing to do with you.
Men claim that they “don’t want daughters” because they know about how men (like themselves) mistreat women. I don’t know… How about instead of declaring that a certain sex is unacceptable for your future child, stop mistreating women? Instead of telling girls not to do or wear certain things, teach your sons to respect women. Each of your children – no matter their gender – should respect everyone.
Another problem that women face are stereotypes. When my sister came back from college, we had a family dinner and the topic of sexist stereotypes came up. At her school’s affinity group, they were doing a boys vs. girls trivia night, and one of the questions was about basketball. All of the men cheered, thinking that the girls wouldn’t know anything about the sport. Forgetting that women also play basketball and that they all attend a Division 1 school with a world-renowned women’s basketball team, they relied on stereotypes instead of facts and ended up losing the game.
This reminded me of a time when I was younger when a boy said that if our math teacher wasn’t a teacher then she would be a nurse. “Why not a doctor?” I asked, to which he replied: “Because women can’t be doctors.” His mother was a doctor, once again, ignoring the facts and relying on stereotypes.
I can admit that I don’t know everything. I don’t know what is going on in men’s heads when they say or do these things, but honestly, the intent or thought isn’t important to my argument. What is important is the effect that these words have on young women, and the effect irritates me.
I don’t have some deep tragic story about how throughout my entire life, men have belittled me not only because I’m female but also because I’m black. Sexism hasn’t ruined my life; rather, it has obstructed my peace. It’s not earth-shattering; it’s just annoying. It’s annoying that we still have to deal with nonsense like this, and there seems to be no consequences for men’s actions toward women. It’s annoying feeling like I have to prove myself for no reason.
Right now, you might be thinking, “Ashley, you wrote this entire article because you are annoyed?” Yes, yes I did, because that is just how annoyed I actually am. I don’t even fully blame men for acting this way. I blame society for allowing them to act this way, for continuing to accept the bare minimum and ignoring the problem. I blame parents who use the “boys will be boys” excuse every time their kid does something messed up.
So, men, do everyone a favor and look deep inside yourself this Women’s History Month and ask yourself, “Am I the problem?” If the answer is yes, seek help, meet with a counselor, or just knock it off. If the answer is no, ask three other people if you are the problem. If they also say no, relish in the fact that you are (probably) a respectful member of the community who (probably) doesn’t feel some type of strong bias toward 54% of the world population.
