Roasting myself: Bella Leuschner


When I first sat down to write this article I thought, “Hmm a roast, where do I begin?” I am not going to lie to you, I have done PLENTY of things to be embarrassed about. So I decided to start where it all began, fifth grade.

I, for some reason, thought it would be a smart idea to, right before my school photo, chop off all of my hair short enough so that it would hug my chin. I thought, “Oh my goodness, I could cut it like how all the celebrities are now!” WRONG! If you want to have your hair cut like a celebrity, do not go to a small town place and pay roughly $15 for it. Go to a REAL professional.

The delusional thoughts that were going through my mind, my style did not help me either. I decided to pair this god awful haircut with big baggy t-shirts, bootcut jeans, and tall, brown uggs, with a vibrant north face fleece because that was the style in fifth grade.

Apparently the trend in 5th grade was to dress as though Justice and L.L.Bean had both thrown up on you, eaten the throw up, and thrown up again.

As my years progressed ,my style got better, but not that much better. First off, I had braces, and as you may know braces mean hideous, painful, metal that covers your teeth and cuts your gums. It also makes your smile very uncomfortable.

This is not meant to be offensive to those with their braces; mine were different than others. In order to fix my overbite, I had to wear rubber bands that attach to a brace on your tooth.

However, mine were different, because I did not start with rubber bands. In order to prevent putting new brackets on my teeth, my orthodontist decided to add wires that would make a right triangle above on my teeth and on my gums. So any time I smiled my mouth would show all my teeth, all my gums, and all my wires, so that was great. Anytime I smiled, I was a full blown metal mouth.

Even though my style was tragic nothing will ever be more upsetting than my love life. So this year I went to Yale Model United Nations, and while at YMUN we are allowed to go out and eat food. As my best friend Alex and I were out to dinner at a chicken nugget themed restaurant, I came across a serious case of foot in mouth disease.

We were sitting at a table eating food and this very attractive boy walked over to us and said to me “What is that?” and pointed at my simple chicken nuggets with french fries. To which I respond with half a chicken nugget in my mouth “Nuggs.” Not chicken nuggets, not number #1 on the menu, but NUGGS. He replied with “Just chicken nuggets and french fries?” to which I responded more slickly, “Yeah” because literally any answer is better than “Nuggs.”

He then proceeded to walk back to his friends and one of them slapped him on the shoulder and said “That was the best you could come up with? ‘What are you eating?’ It’s a chicken nugget restaurant. There are three things on the menu.” Overhearing this I thought: Wow this is my chance. Do something, say something. Nope just sat there and never saw him again.

So just a tip, if a cute boy walks up to you and asks what you are eating, don’t say “Nuggs.”

I also  have a serious addiction to the “Vampire Diaries” franchise. So much so that when season seven was just released to Netflix and season eight was about to premiere one week after, and I unfortunately was still half way through season six, I grabbed all my comfortable pillows and blankets and built a hut in my room that I left only five times a day for food and preseason volleyball. So in a week I watched 33 40-minute episodes, which is equivalent to 22 hours of “Vampire Diaries” and that was on top of the other shows I was binging. So let’s just say I successfully accomplished that task and went on to binge the spin-off series, “The Originals” and am currently watching the spin-off of that series, “Legacies.”