Roasting myself: Lian Wolman


No need to fear, Lian Wolman is here to bring back the “Roast Myself” segment of the opinions section. For those who have never read a “Roast Myself” article, it is pretty self explanatory. It is basically when a person takes on the task of roasting themselves in around 600 words. Usually people focus on a variety of things to roast themselves on, but I decided to focus on something more specific or else I would need an entire page. If you know me well, you know I can get side tracked pretty easily, which can be an issue at times. If you know me, you also probably know that I am a camp girl.

Every year at camp, we participate in something called the “Big O” (the “O” stands for olympics) which is when the entire camp is split into four teams and compete in a three-day long competition. A crucial part of the packing list each summer is a plain white Hanes V neck T-shirt to decorate during the “Big O.” The teams are either separated into countries or a random theme depending on the year. In order to show which team you are on, everyone decorates these white shirts with their team name, team colors and flag or symbol.

During my fourth year of camp, I sat in an empty bunk with my friends decorating shirts for our designated teams. This was a country year, and I was on team Switzerland. While making the shirts, I was chatting and therefore not paying very close attention to what my hands were writing, but by the end I was still pretty satisfied with how my shirt came out, and I put it on. I wore it for the second half of the day after I had made it and because it did not get dirty, and it’s camp so who cares if it was dirty. I also wore it on the second day.

Later on the second day during one of the competitions one of my counselors turned to me and said, “Why does your shirt say ‘Swerland?’” I was so confused. I thought what do you mean my shirt says “Swerland! You must be reading it wrong! It says Switzerland!”

Then I looked down. I read my shirt. She was right because in fact I had written “Swerland” on my shirt. I literally forgot the “itz” in Switzerland. I was partially in shock because I had not noticed my spelling error but also how had no one else seen it until this very moment. At first, I was completely embarrassed by my lack of intelligence to spell Switzerland correctly until it became a camp joke. People started calling me “Swerland” and my counselors made me stand on the table every meal and yell, “My name is Lian Wolman and I forgot the “itz” in Switzerland” over and over again or else I had to stack the entire table. Then I literally got into a “shirt war” with my counselor at camp over the shirt. Basically, whoever had the shirt had to keep it safe or else the other one would steal it back. Somehow the assistant director at camp even got involved in the war.

One day we were walking back to our bunks after breakfast, and I looked up to the maintenance shed and there the shirt was hanging at the way top of the shed by a poll. I couldn’t stop laughing, and I was honestly really impressed. Now, “shirt wars” have ended because I unfortunately lost the shirt. If you have, it please return it. It’s my favorite shirt.