The Record Room: Issue #3 ‘Tis the Season for Buzzfeed Opinions (Not)

Reviews

Hello all, and welcome back to The Record Room, the monthly column  in which my attempts at genuine musical commentary are frequently interrupted by the occasional unfunny joke. But, this is our third issue now and somehow the jokes haven’t gotten me fired yet, so we’re gonna stick with it! Changing things up with the actual content of this issue, today we’ll be putting a holiday twist on the typical Record Room article, inspired by the definitely relevant and ever-motivating “Buzzfeed.” With a particular “Buzzfeed” article on the topic of holiday music (actually, they say it’s strictly Christmas music), I’ll be testing the opinions of what they claim are some of the worst holiday songs out there. Before we get started, I want to wish everyone reading a happy holiday season and a merry whatever-you-celebrate, since somebody forgot to notify “Buzzfeed” writers that Christmas is not the only winter holiday. And if you haven’t picked up on it yet, apologies in advance for the copious amount of “Buzzfeed” slander.

Fitting with the theme of “Buzzfeed” negativity, the article we’ll be taking a look at is titled, “15 Christmas Songs We’ve Been Pretending Are Good For Far Too Long.” The article starts by explaining that these opinions are taken from the “Buzzfeed Community,” so if you want your opinions from a bunch of overpaid pompous millennials, this is the article for you! However, most people in my age bracket tend to not favor those types of articles and opinions, so I’ll summarize this one as quickly as I can. Starting from the bottom of the list, “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey comes in at number 15. Already, I’m having some issues with the “Buzzfeed Community” on this one. In their defense, the song is insanely overplayed, like insanely. However, I would say that “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is one of the only songs that I can still listen to and enjoy even though I know it’s overplayed.  The first part of the song comes on, and you roll your eyes and go over to your phone to press skip, but by the time you get there, Mariah’s Christmas cheer has swept through your cold soul, and you can suddenly bear to listen to it. And then, no more than ten minutes later, the same song comes on again and the process repeats itself. That  experience, in my opinion, is so rare and inexplicable  that it certainly does not put “All I Want For Christmas Is You” on a negative ranking list. 

Moving right up to the top of the list, since the “Buzzfeed Community’s” opinions on Mariah Carey invalidates the rest of the article, Michael Bublé’s cover of “Santa Baby” comes in at number one. While I’ve spent the majority of this article bashing “Buzzfeed’s” out-of-touch opinions, they might be right on this one. Bublé’s executive decision to change some of the lyrics in this song is not only unnecessary, but a ruinous one at that. I think the general public can agree that Bublé has a unique, smooth voice that takes the focus away from the lyrics and any other content of the song itself. However, that ability isn’t really seen with his cover of “Santa Baby,” as decisions like the one to change “Santa baby, a ’54 Convertible too, light blue, I’ll wait up for you, dear,” to, “Santa buddy, a ‘65 Convertible too, steel blue, I’ll wait up for you, dude,” are just stupid, to put it frankly. The cover of the song itself is still called “Santa Baby,” but Bublé doesn’t even say the words “Santa Baby” in the entire song, instead replacing it with “Santa Buddy.” The thought process behind that decision is something I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand, and for that, the Buzzfeed Community may have the right idea of putting this cover at the top of the list.

With my acceptance of “Buzzfeed’s” opinions, it seems this article has come full circle. Now being someone who agrees with a “Buzzfeed” hot take, I don’t feel I can really have a say in any musical commentary for a while, so with that, I’ll close up this issue of The Record Room. As always, if you have a specific album, EP, or song that I could potentially review here, shoot me an email. My name is Sophie Glazier, this has been “The Record Room,” and I’ll see you all next month.