The Record Room Issue #5 (I don’t think they let me do titles anymore…)

Reviews

Welcome back to the Record Room everyone! As I sit and think of topics to focus this month’s issue on, I consider what has led me here. A procrastinator at heart, I’m of course, writing this article three days before it’s due, on Good Friday. Don’t worry, this article won’t be religiously charged or anything, but the advent (pun intended) of Easter has inspired me to take a look at some festive music and to figure out whether or not it even exists. Now, when I mention Easter music, what I’m not talking about are biblical hymns that would be sung in Easter Sunday mass. What I’m looking for is completely unbiased music about bunnies, Easter eggs, and fun times. So, come join me on my journey down the rabbit hole (I’m on fire with these puns) of Easter music in this month’s issue of The Record Room. 

I began my research by doing a quick Spotify search for an“Easter playlist,” which prompted me with a massive one-hour-28-minute playlist titled “Easter Songs for Kids.” It was compiled by a creator called The New Fangles with puppets in their profile picture – let’s all say thank you to The New Fangles for setting the mood. On this playlist are some questionable choices, like “Hot Cross Buns Song,” “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” and “Deck the Eggs”? I debated touching on “Deck the Eggs,” but that song really deserves an article of its own, and I still don’t think I’d be allowed enough words to express my feelings about that monstrosity. 

Anyways, back to the somewhat relevant parts of the playlist. We all know the Easter classics: “Here Comes Peter Cottontail” and that’s about it. However, I wanted this article, as with all other issues in this series, to call attention to the unique pieces of song that lie out there in the vast landscape of music. So, without further ado, I’ll be giving some rapid-fire opinions on the tracks that make up “Easter Songs for Kids.”

Starting off strong with “Easter Is Here (Dance Like a Bunny)” by of course The New Fangles, this song sounds like it was recorded by someone who doesn’t want their parents in the other room to hear. This quality, which would usually be exhibited by a younger person, is matched with ad-libs shout-whispered by an elderly man, creating a perfect, harmonious blend of…I can’t even be sarcastic about this one, it really is quite bad. But it gets worse. 

Our next song is titled, “The Easter Parade For Kids,” written by The Wonder Kids on an album called “Kids Sing Favorite Easter Songs.” Despite the fact that the artist (artists?) makes it incredibly clear that this song is for children, they use words like “majorettes,” which I don’t think I learned until I was probably 14. However, there were no old men in the background of this one, so at least they’ve got that going for them.

 This next song, titled “Fast And Slow (The Rabbit And The Turtle)” by The Laurie Berkner Band, is surprisingly not the only song on this list with a weirdly suggestive name. Plus, lyrics like “I don’t want to go slow, I go fast” and “Here we go, together we’re slow” really aren’t helping either. 

The New Fangles must have known I was planning on absolutely tearing them to shreds while writing this article because they did, in fact, include a redemption piece! Eloquently titled, “BUNNY BUNNY BUNNY BUNNY,” this song by Levity Beet is unironically good. I would listen to it well past the Easter season, and I probably will, if we’re being honest. This song has no old man ad-libs and no inadvertently sexual lyrics, which evidently seems to be quite difficult for some of these other artists. Not only does the song refrain from those things, but it also includes an impressive flute solo that I bet these Easter-celebrating kids can’t even comprehend. All in all, this song is great, and I suggest that you listen to it, even if my judgment is a bit clouded by The Wonder Kids.

While I’d love to continue with this bizarre review topic that I’ve given myself, there are only so many Easter puns I can make. I implore you to check out the playlist if you’re interested, which I don’t see why you wouldn’t be after I’ve given it such glowing reviews. If you enjoyed this issue, let me know through email. If you’d like to never hear me mention The Wonder Kids again, also let me know through email (I really wouldn’t blame you for that one). Have a happy Easter, Passover, or Ramadan if you celebrate, and I’ll see you all for next month’s issue of The Record Room.