This past Thanksgiving, as I sat around my dining room table, I was faced with the same question that I’m faced with every year: So, when are you going to get a boyfriend? And each year, I am forced to give the same, old, boring response: when the “right” one comes along. It’s inevitable at this point, a never-ending cycle of having to defend myself (and somehow my sexuality) to the people around me. As I’ve gotten older, the pressure to find my “other half” has only gotten greater, as if it’s impossible to exist and be perfectly happy by myself. And so I couldn’t help but wonder: what’s so wrong with being my own “other half?”
Recently, I have been pestered with a new question, from not just my family, but my friends too: are you sure you’re not a lesbian? Yes, I’m 100% sure. Yet no matter how much I insist that I’m not, I am always met with the same doubtful response: “Oh, but you know that it’s perfectly okay if you are.” It’s almost as if they can’t fathom me never having a boyfriend and still being straight, especially when I’ve had opportunities to get into a relationship. I can assure you, it’s perfectly possible.
Throughout my chronically single life, I have continued to notice this pressure, specifically on women, to find a male counterpart. Just look at the language: men get to be bachelors. Women? Suddenly, we’re old spinsters, as if the second a single woman turns 27, she magically becomes the owner of 29 cats. It seems as if society praises a single male, whereas a single woman, in the exact same circumstance, is automatically deemed undesirable. I’ve come to understand that society, as unfortunate as it is, is not ready to comprehend a woman not just surviving, but thriving without a male counterpart.
Even the so-called “MRS degree” has resurfaced, all thanks to a chorus of conservative influencers mourning the 1950s (a time at which women were still not allowed to have a credit card in their name). This idea, that women should go to college simply to meet a highly-educated, and thus highly-paid, man, just sucks. Why can’t women go to school because they want to learn and get a high-paying job on their own? Is it so hard to comprehend that women can be perfectly successful without a man?
While I certainly hope I haven’t reached spinster status, the constant pressure from my friends and family remains, wrapped in promises of infinite happiness or the insistence that I’m somehow not fulfilling my teenage experience. I’ll admit that the idea seems rather appealing, and something I would undoubtedly do if I ever find the “right” one (I swear it’ll be on my gravestone). But I’m not sacrificing my time, energy, and attention to a man who does not fit my standards. I, along with many other women, have worked way too hard to get where I am today, to be distracted by a man who’s not worth the light of day. I know who I am and what I want to become. I know what I want my life to look like, and I certainly do not need a man to be slowing me down. I know and value my worth. Yet, this is something that I have seen so little of among my friends, who instead are willing to jump rather rashly into relationships with men, who I think, to be quite frank, are the worst. They sacrifice their standards simply so that they don’t have to be alone. But that’s the thing. They don’t.
I, without ever having a boyfriend, “situationship,” or talking stage in my life, have never felt truly alone. I am blessed with the most genuine friendships and loving family, who I know will be there for me no matter what. I prioritize my friendships to the point where they have become more like family. They make me perfectly content with waiting to find a guy who will push me up, instead of dragging me down. They’re the people who remind me I’ve been whole all along.
So no, there is truly nothing wrong with being your own other half. I am a proudly single woman, and no, before you ask, there is not one part of me that regrets never dating. I love my life and the people in it, and I feel truthfully complete. My life is already filled with all forms of validating love; friends, family, and self-love satisfy the human need for love and connection. Society certainly has some catching up to do. Because I know that I can live a fulfilling life, with great relationships, a successful career, and in service to others, without a man supporting me. I refuse to accept that I need a man to be successful and happy. I will not waste my time searching for this “other half” that society thinks that I need. I am not searching for another half because I am already whole.
